Be grateful for the clear channels

Some days, the signal-to-noise ratio is really high, and some days, it's almost noise-free.

Today is one of those days. Woke up to do my emotional log entry, and the mood was basically "clear channel, carrier wave, high signal-to-noise ratio." Always grateful for those days.

It doesn't feel like it makes sense. I'm struggling to get us back on budget after buying and renovating a house. My job doesn't look really secure right now, and it's on my mind a lot. Our medical insurance sucks this year, partly because I had to choose it while on pain meds after surgery. Our one car, the van, is old and creaky and worries us a lot. It's almost impossible to see a way out of all these things, but I keep trying.

I've managed the budget tightly and precisely, and things are startign to turn up. I've following a development plan I've agreed to with my boss, which has the potential to put me back on track by mid-summer. We have stockpiles of medicines and medical supplies that will get us through for a little while. And we don't have to drive too much, thanks to family. Maybe it's all that, and maybe it's just the fact that we've been proactive about dealing with things as best we can, but today feels very neutral.

Don't get me wrong: things can still go sideways at any time, but for some reason, today is gold. Not overestimating my chances (like buying a bunch of lotto tickets), but not spinning yarns about living on the street, either. I don't know if I can attribute this to my "better-to" attitude I've taken lately: "It's better to do this now than to wait; it's better to avoid buying this now and use what we have; it's better to protect our supplies carefully than to be cavalier with them; it's better to eat at home than it is to eat out too much." I don't know if it's helping, but today, it feels like it.